so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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