If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
