you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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