Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
