hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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