So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
