I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
