So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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