just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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