I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
