No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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