Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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