Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
