but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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