tonight lets celebrate not being married
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
