Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i would one night stand the shit outta him
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
