i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
