dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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