My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
smell my finger.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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