I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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