Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Two words: blizzard sex
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize