somebody snuck up and got me drunk
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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