dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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