How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
