she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize