So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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