i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
