i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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