What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish I could teleport
Having a random hookup so left but love u
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
