we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you would pick up someone in the library
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
