we have pet lesbian snakes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
