I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
