You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
this just has baby written all over it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
