Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
