hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
