Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
