I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize