my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
