so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
