I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize