Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize