this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
