I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize