You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
