how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
cat food counts as protein by the way
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
