omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize