3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
