You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
