My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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