i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
