Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
