3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
