Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
