I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
