i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
