I'm lost and stupid without you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
