I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
ttyl tear gas
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
