Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
