Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
