You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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