Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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