He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
