when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
do nipples grow back?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
