so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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