Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
